Some of these are pretty shocking. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Scott Baio

The real question is, who didn’t want Charles in charge of them, amiright? *waits for a high five*

After years on Arrested Development, Baio currently stars as a stay-at-home dad in an awful-looking Nickelodeon show called See Dad Run. He married and had a daughter in 2007. His wife Renee is currently battling a brain tumor.

James Spader

He caught our attention in Mannequin and Pretty in Pink. He was all kinds of crazy-sexy in Secretary. His stints as Alan Shore on The Practice and Boston Legal gained him small-screen kudos, and now as the silky Red in The Blacklist,  James Spader is the thinking woman’s stumpet. Or something. I don’t know, I’m tipsy. He’s hot. End of.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Around 2000, JTT dropped out of the spotlight, but not our hearts. Then he went off to a little school called Harvard University, and starred as Customer #3 in a short film called Tilt-A-Whirl. He’s also done a few guest appearances on telly but nothing to note. Did he get married? Have kids? I don’t know, I didn’t want to burst my bubble by finding out.

Joey Lawrence

Now here’s a man who has made his entire career out of characters named Joey. There was Joey Russo in Blossom, Joey Roman in Brotherly Love, and Joey Longo in Melissa and Joey. He’s been married a couple of times and has two kids. He picks up bit-parts in tele-movies with names like The Dog Who Saved The Holidays.

Luke Perry

I always felt his forehead was too big for him to be truly attractive, but people on my Twitter assure me that he was studly-duddly back in the day. But I don’t care for him. I did write a bit in here about the age spots on his huge forehead but then that seemed really mean, so I’m not going to talk about the age spots on his huge forehead.

If we’re going to do Luke, we have to do

Jason Priestley

After Brandon exited stage left, Jason floated around from show to show. He was on an episode of Spin City, 8 Simple Rules, What I Like About You, and something called Chicks With Sticks. It’s all been a bit lackluster, and add to that a suspected drunk driving arrest… Yeah. But he does have two children with his second wife, so that’s nice.

Pierce Brosnan

After coming to the world’s attention during the ’80s in Remington Steele, and then most of ours during the obligatory repeats throughout the ’90s, the now-62-year-old became one of the most quintessential James Bonds to ever James Bond. He has five kids and still makes movies. And still has that accent.