Kanye West for President!

So unless y’all have been living under a rock for the past few days, you’ll be well aware that ~~God himself~~ Kanye West will be running for presidency in the 2020 elections. He cleverly utilised his VMA stage time to announce his plans, as well as spout off a whole lot of other shit in classic Yeezy style while the audience died quietly inside. (You can read the transcript of his full speech over at GQ).

But hey, give the guy a chance. He started from the bottom now [he] hurr. (Oh sorry, no, that was Drake). Whatever. Let’s take a look at why Yeezy should be president:

He is basically God. “I’m like a vessel, and God has chosen me to be the voice and the connector.” So he was raised a Christian and while he did, at some point, denounce his religious roots, he’s still God’s vessel (which is legit ‘cos he’s Kanye and can do what we wants). Which will undoubtedly speak to the 70+% of Americans who identify themselves as Christians. OR you know, they could all just switch to his new religion: Yeezianity
Free Yeezy’s for errbody! Vote Yeezy, wear Yeezy – every ‘yea’ voter gets a free pair! But wait there’s more! The first 100 voters will receive a special edition pair of stockings and a moth-eaten sweater from his clothing line! You won’t even have to wait in line overnight outside Area 51 for the privilege! Yeezy, bringing Hunger Games #fashun to the masses.

Who needs Obamacare when you’ve got Yeezycare? As West rightly notes: My music isn’t just music — it’s medicine. This is healthcare for the new 21st century, guys. That comes to you not in the form of a busted website, but as a playlist on ~~another busted website~~ Tidal. And also, let us not forget that ‘Ye received an honorary doctoral degree this year and doctoral has the word doctor in it so…
He wrote a song entitled Perfect Bitch about his wife. And if he can write something as inspiring, emotive, and socially acceptable as that for his wife, just imagine how incredible his national anthem will be?! Because let’s face it, yes, he will probably rewrite the national anthem and nothing says appreciation for your wife (or your country) like a thinly veiled song about negging.
He is *literally* not no politician. Bro. And hey, maybe that speaks to the American people. If Trump is anything to go by… And as Josh Earnest (Press Secretary for the White House, yes they weighed in) points out, Yeezy already has some stellar options for campaign slogans.
Kim K for FLOTUS. Hillary’s FLOTUS style: pant suit. Michelle’s FLOTUS style: skirt suit. Kim’s FLOTUS style: cat suit.
Also: Beyonce & Jay Z. (Those fools be trippin’.)
History will rewrite itself. “I feel like I’m too busy writing history to read it.” Touche, Yeezy. Burn those history books, ‘Murica! Embrace the new world! Yeezy’s world. The voice of your generation, your decade, IS HURR.

#VoteYeezy4Prezident2020

(Postscript: Now, Imma let you finish but… of all the piss I take out of Yeezy, I will give the man major kudos for standing up for what he believes in. So haters gonna hate but don’t hate me too much).